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September 1, 2011

What If My Kid's Gay?

It's probably unwise to wonder this aloud, but that's never stopped me before: What if you suspect your child is gay? Or — you know — will be gay eventually?

My own boys seem humdrumly hetero thus far, but I've known lots of kids who bucked traditional gender stereotypes to the extent that I wondered if they were gays-in-the-making.

A person's sexual orientation can be neither truly discovered nor fully revealed until said person is, well, sexual. And yet there are those kids ...

"My daughter has always wanted boy toys and boy clothes and her best buddies are boys. I'd say she was a possible future Chaz," says a friend of mine, only half-jokingly. "But it's hard to say. Boy clothes really are more comfortable, and boy games more fun. Ever play Pretty Pretty Princess?!"

Another friend suspects her kindergartner may wave a rainbow flag one day. "He loves to play beauty shop, has known the difference between mascara and eyeliner since he was three, and will always comment on a new haircut or dress. He's obsessed with drawing hearts and rainbows and has told me that he'd like to marry boys," she says. "Perhaps this is all typical 5-year-old boy stuff ... but my guess is that it isn't so much."

123 Next >>

Keywords: gender stereotypes  hunches  challenges  rainbows 


My son is gay, he's 32 now. We were clueless. He was open about being gay in high school, except to his parents. The road has its bumps, but the person you have nurtured is worth the journey gay or straight.
Barbara Knypstra

Mon, Sep , 13:35:13

Again, you've expressed another insightful observation with wit and compelling logic. I'm glad there are people like you writing in the press. Gives me hope for the future.
Thank you.wonderbra

Ray Morgan

Mon, Sep , 15:46:42

gay-schmay...black...brown...white...Love one another.We are all HUMAN.We all have similar if not identical needs.IF god had not given us the gift of sight...it would be hard to even develop prejudices & stereotypes.If that message gets through to your children, you are ahead of the game.At times it gets very hard to live up to...we are always going to be challenged...UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is the answer,period.
Ronnie Haran Mellen

Mon, Sep , 16:12:03

Are you aware of a group known as Parents, Famlies, and Friends Of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)? There is an active Chapter in SLO, and the Valley of the Flowers (VOF) Church (UCC) in Lompoc is a member. It was formed by parents whose children "came out," asking the question of "What do I do Now?" as a support group. Website . The VOF has been in contact with a Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) in Lompoc High School. This group tries to dealy with bullying, not just of gays. There may be some activity in Santa Barbara.
Charles Blair

Mon, Sep , 23:32:55

You're lucky you live in California. It's really hard for children who are gay in the Bible belt, where I live. My daughter has a friend who is gay. Her parents think something is wrong with her. They took her to doctors and she's on antidepressants now. Now she IS depressed. Now there IS something wrong. When she was visiting us recently, she told me her psychiatrist told her that gay parents are more likely to have gay children--trying to scare her out of it. What's scary is that any doctor would say this.
Debi Kelly Van Cleave

Wed, Sep , 03:22:13

When I was a teenager my mom remarried a man who had a son who was gay although he never "came out". I felt so tortured for him to have to live a double life. We all knew that he was gay and yet we wanted to respect his privacy so we never broached the subject. I wanted to blurt out,"We love you no matter what!" I had always felt so sad that he couldn't live life the way he wanted for whatever expectations he felt that others had for him. He finally did come out right before he died from AIDS.
Years later when I got married and had my youngest child, I had a suspicion that he might be gay when he was in 5th grade. Of course I felt concern for him only because I was afraid that others would judge him and be unkind. After many years of not really feeling that he 'fit in" with the rest of the kids, he entered high school and became a "band nerd". He felt accepted by his peers. I had never seen him so happy and excited about life. He finally had friends. He felt empowered. One day I was watching him from my kitchen window, and I said to my daughter, "Justin's really happy isn't he?" and she said, "What kind of happy?"
I instantly started laughing and I ran out to Justin. "Oh Justin, I always knew you were gay." and he laughed and said, "Yeah the "how to book" said that you would say that". Two things happened that day, Justin could fully be the way he is out in the open, and I felt happy for him. As a parent I felt proud that he felt save and trusted us enough to "come out" He knows that our love is unconditional. Of course I still worry about how others may treat him, but I worry about how people will treat my heterosexual daughter too, so I guess as a parent we always want to protect them.


Sun, Oct 23, 2011

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