Post a Comment
E-mail to a friend:

August 11, 2011

The Rubdown Lowdown

Complex. Cryptic. Complicated. This is how men describe women. Whereas guys claim to be simple creatures easily won over with a frosty beer or an unobstructed glimpse at boobies, gals are perceived as inscrutable human vaults whose hearts and, well, parts are guarded by a system of locks so intricate they can be opened only with the precise combination of money, breeding, and charm.

But that's bunk. It's hooey. Truth is there's an easy and too-infrequently-used shortcut to our affection. Want to crack our safes?

Learn to give a decent massage.

That's right. An old-fashioned, no-cost, fingers-on-flesh rubdown.

This is no hush-hush secret, I assure you. I'm not breaking a classified girl code by telling you this. We want you to know it! We want you to use it! We can't figure out why so many of you are wasting your time sculpting your calves at the gym when you ought to just be squeezing holy hell out of those squishy office balls that build hand strength. Squeeze, brothers. Squeeze!

Ladies melt under the benevolent touch of a warm-palmed fella intent on liquefying our tension. Something unexpected transpires between generous hands and underappreciated flesh — something far more satisfying, more thrilling, than you get with a paid massage. It's sensual. It's electric. It's bloody alchemy is what it is.

123 Next >>

Keywords: massage  office balls  public moaning  Vulcan death grip 


Matured men.....smile know exactly what your talking about specially if they have never married, not in debt, no baggage. No other issues are on their mind. With today's economy I think many men are trying to keep their heads above water. No time to think about, or have interest in.....sex, specially if their married. Needs to be kept fresh, exciting. But just around to pay the bills before the man gets the check it has been spent. Caught in a routine that can get pretty monotonousness. Its sad...and we only go through this life one time..no do overs. Once bitten...twice shy...ask anyone who has been married, going to do it again.....a massage.... is only the beginning.....I believe a man desires the same....with a smile and a thank you very much. Does wonders.

Thu, Aug 11, 2011

Okay.... so you're beautiful (from your picture), intelligent (you teach writing), witty, talented, and sensitive (from your work), and NOW you reveal a weakness for a friendly massage.
That's not even playing fair - you're making yourself irresistible to mankind!

Ray Morgan

Fri, Aug 12, 2011

Aye, there's the rub.....
Lee Jenkinson

Fri, Aug 12, 2011

AMEN Sister!

Fri, Aug 12, 2011

You write the BEST colums! I love rthe humor, honestly and no man bashing! You're the best!

Mon, Aug 15, 2011

My daughter accused us of having sex the other night. She said, "I heard you," glaring at us. He was just giving me a massage!

Another funny story Starshine. By the way, I published a letter-to-the-editor about you in my local paper, The Roanoke Times.

Debi Kelly Van Cleave

Sat, Aug 20, 2011

Ive seen this great australian band from when they staetrd with Bon Scott twice and every tour since then with both Razors Edge & both Black Ic...

Sat, Oct 24, 2015

Post a Comment:

E-mail (will not be displayed):
To help prevent spam, please re-enter the word that appears in pink below:

We reserve the right to edit or remove comments at our discretion.

<< Previous column View more columns Next column >>

Share this column with a friend

"I continually marvel at how clever and on target you are. and poetic skills, too!"

Nancy W

Now Available:

...as well as Santa Barbara Bookstores Chaucer's, Tecolote & Granada Books, and Signed & Personalized direct from the publisher.


Recent columns:

July 30, 2015
Click, Cluck Goes the Online Shame Game

July 16, 2015
Tongs for Nothing: My (Latest) Parenting Failure

July 2, 2015
Can Transgender Folks Futz with Pronouns?

June 4, 2015
Crude Awakening: When the $#!% Hits the Sand

May 21, 2015
Hot for the Dad Bod?

More >>

Most E-mailed:

Tongs for Nothing: My (Latest) Parenting Failure

Crude Awakening: When the $#!% Hits the Sand

Top 10 Things Mel Brooks Taught Us Last Night

Sex Robots

The Dirt on Flirting

More >>


Get my column in your e-mail inbox every week:


Or download the RSS News Feed

The contents of this site are © Starshine Roshell. All rights reserved. Site by Comicraft.