Parents' wise words seldom build vocabularies

Meanwhile, though, I confess I'm disappointed with my role as Declarer of the Dull Directive. Deficient in other motherly assets, I always assumed my love of language would compensate for my lack of patience and my distaste for holiday handicraft. Indeed, my favorite parenting moments — the few that leave me feeling especially well-equipped for this job — are when my kids ask me to explain an abstract concept like death or sarcasm or spongecake and I can discharge a chain of images and metaphors that leave them sitting silent, their eyes shifting and unfocused as they process the description, and then lead them to a clear-as-a-windowpane, "Oh!"

So forgive me if spewing phrases like "Don't let the dog lick your privates" feels like wasting the paltry parental proficiency I possess. And not just wasting it, either. Squandering! Nay, fribbling it away like so much worthless foofaraw!

I'm sorry. But it had to be said.

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