Parents' wise words seldom build vocabularies

I realize that human beings aren't born with an aptitude for basic hygiene and social etiquette, and mine are no exception. Friends tell me they've been shocked to have to articulate these instructions to their offspring: "Stop picking your sister's nose." "Please don't hump your pillow in front of other people." "Do NOT throw the cat in there again."

Others never thought they'd have to say this: "Yes, underwear is a requirement at the dinner table. Particularly when you're not wearing pants." Or this: "If you went pee-pee in the bath water, you probably should not be drinking it." One recently found herself offering this string of seemingly self-evident edicts: "Get your hands out of your pants" "Get your hands out of HER pants" "Go wash your hands."

I have faith our kids will memorize all of these rules eventually and there will be no need to whisper, "Stop pulling up your shirt" as they walk down the aisle. (If there is, at least we'll be able to employ more graceful language by then, such as: "Darling, do refrain from exposing your thorax. It's entirely inappropriate to both the venue and occasion.")

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