Going to Bed Angry

So, is the best marital advice really, "Pay no attention to what old people tell you about relationships"? Is the old "sleep secret" just so much hooey?

"I give it a fair amount of truth," says S.B. therapist Gary Linker, PhD. "I don't think that prolonged anger helps a relationship. That doesn't mean that if we're angry, we need to decide at 11 or 12 o'clock at night that we need to thoroughly resolve this issue right now."

He suggests that couples listen to — and in fact hear — each other's viewpoints, then agree to revisit the issue tomorrow. "When there's at least a plan in place, then that anger dissipates and the goodwill, the foundational base of the relationship, is reestablished."

Or you can endure the kind of odious morning-after that I did: stomping around the house muttering infantile slurs and finally confronting the culprit, who — I swear to you — had no memory of the tiff whatsoever. Which taught me that couplehood is too capricious to rely on trite rules of thumb. You've got to be flexible and open-minded.

So the next time I'm livid at lights-out, I'm going to try this new tack from a sensible gal I know: "I say go to bed mad. And plan your revenge."

<< Back

1 • 2 • 3